Post #38: React or Respond or Nothing?

           I have faced many unprecedented situations in my life where I really did not know what to do, how to do, where to go, when to do, whom to share with, why to do, lots of question made an amplified noise in my mind. Things were lolling between the lolls. I was in dilemma. I had nothing to answer. Now, when I recall the incidents, I realize I reacted where I should have been responded. I made the things go wrong. But I was not always wrong. 

           Some of my friends in college played politics with me, left no stone unturned to show me down to the world. Rumours & lies were spread. One of my friends told me, people have started hating you, you need to think over. The best thing I did at that time was I neither reacted nor responded, I just ignored and made no change in my personality. I ignored because there was nothing likeable in me, so I let them do whatever they wanted. 

           Sometimes I reacted over falsities and hurt myself. Sometimes I lifted the things to break them, but I stopped my hands halfway, I controlled my reflexes. I counted the numbers down from 10 to 1. I drank cold water and anger vanished. The best thing here I did was I stopped paying attention to my haters; I became straight forward and handled the things practically. 

            My friends reacted when I said I have no friends and no enemies. They reacted because it was the truth, and I spoke the truth. I stood up for myself. I have no regret I made enemies, because I stood against lies, falsities and odds. Now I have beautiful friends, no matter less in number, but they are my quality friends. 

            I remember, I stood against school authority for not teaching properly and not taking actions on time. Some pro-principal teachers warned me to take actions. I alone stood firmly and did in welfare of all my batch mates. I don't know what was that, ‘reaction' or 'response' but I had decided to stand against authority. After that, things started running smoothly. Probably that was action, neither reaction nor response. 

             When I migrated to Delhi 3 years back, I was impatient and violent. Here adapting with the situation was the key. But you can't adapt with everything. I had never used any single word of abusive languages, never consumed alcohol, never smoked nor do I now. These were against my ethics as I believed. I decided to leave the friends with whom I stayed in a flat. When I said, I'm leaving, they started abusing me badly, God can be testified, I did not even speak a single word and I responded very well. It was in my favour. I left the place. It was so peaceful now, because I did not react. 

             There is a gnome, "Not everyone you lose is a loss". It is 100% true. Bad things and bad persons should have no place in your life. They did wrong with me, they would have to face the music. I'm not going to give a damn and hurt myself. 

            Once in a restaurant, one lady saw cockroach moving towards her, as that cockroach approached to her, she panicked, she started jumping and throwing the things, everyone in there panicked after seeing her scared, crying and throwing the things. But waiter came, lifted the coacroach with his gloved hand, placed in a dustbin. Here that lady reacted and waiter responded. 

             In a nutshell, we need to identify where should we react and where should we respond. Reaction may or may not be right, but if you respond carefully things will always go in a right direction. Sometimes ignoring can be the best possible alternative to try. You need to identify. 
_______________________________
My views are personal.

Post #37: No Room for Negativity in Life

NB: This article has been copied from other website.

We live in a society today, where suicide rates due to depression have been increasing at an alarming rate and many of the hapless victims are youngsters. What is it that drives them to end their lives? Why are they so disgusted with life? It is because they see no hope. They are extremely dissatisfied and suffer from very poor self-esteem. All of this stems from an ‘Inferiority Complex’. It is a psychoanalytical concept and is a lack of self-worth, coupled with uncertainty. It is the feeling of depression you get when you think that you don’t match up to the society’s standards. It is often deep-rooted and subconscious.

When it was first studied and analyzed by psychiatrists, it was pervasive in many adults, because of the various situations life puts them through. But nowadays, it is quite common in children too. Inferiority complex may be developed due to genetic factors, as well as due to personal experiences. With inferiority complex, there is always a feeling of inadequacy. The most common cause for inferiority complex is FAILURE.

To combat this dark demon, we need to adopt several confidence-boosting techniques. The methods take very long to show results, but yet, they are tried and tested, and are affirmative. The following ten methods may be adopted to get that stubborn complex out of you!

10. Stay away from negative people for a while

There are many people who feel insecure and they in turn get sadistic and point out the flaws in you. This should not bog you down. You must not even pay heed to it. But if it is too much to handle, try and stay away from all the negative elements that upset you. It will stop those negative thoughts and feelings to creep up inside your devil’s workshop. When you are surrounded by people who can only tell you of your shortcomings, it is bad for you to stay put in such company. When you delete the virus from your system, it becomes easier to function and becomes more efficient!

9. Talk to people and spend more time with your loved ones

Come out of that shell you have created around yourself! Jump out of that well you have mistakenly fallen into! Talk to people. You will see a different side to your story. You will learn that life is how we take it! Mingle with people because it will lessen the mental burden you feel.  Seek a psychiatrist’s counsel if the need arises. It is definitely advisable to seek professional help.

Spend quality time with your loved ones. They love you and will not mock at you.  Being around them will make you happy and comfortable. After all, family comes first!

8. Help other people and get involved in activities

When you help other people, you will realize that you are in a better situation than many of them. Helping people, solving their problems and making them happy will give a special meaning to your life and fill you with happiness and satisfaction. Instead of feeling low and being a burden to yourself, stop worrying and get involved in volunteering activities or activities of any other similar kind. When you are a part of community activities, you will learn about teamwork and many other essential principles, which will wipe out your complex and anxiousness.

7. Do not make unnecessary assumptions!

Sometimes, we make unnecessary assumptions. We think too much and create a problem of our own, that wasn’t even present in the first place. Complete lack of confidence makes us skeptical of our own self and we start imagining wild things! People may not even look at us in an inferior way, but we think they do and make our lives miserable! Some people are too busy with their own lives that they fail to notice you. This doesn’t mean that you are not noticeable. It shouldn’t matter what other people think of you!

6. Look out for sources of motivation

Watch out for anything that can lift your spirits up! Any book that can change the way you think and inspire you to be bold, or any movie whose character ignites that fire in you, or any person whose story can motivate you. There have been several heroes who have got across difficult situations through their sheer motivation and will power. You can draw inspiration from them. If you find creative pursuits like arts and music engrossing, take them up seriously, for they are the best sources of self-satisfaction and fulfillment.

5.  Stop the comparison, now!

Stop comparing yourself to every other person. Your wants will form an endless list. Every person have their own assets and liabilities. To compare and come to a conclusion is a very unwise thing to do. You should focus on your betterment, regardless of how others seem. Besides, you don’t even know what their life is all about, the inside story. Every person is different, born with different abilities and differing interests. It’s like comparing apples and oranges at the end of the day. Both are equally sweet or equally sour. What is the whole point?

4. Focus on your strengths

No one is perfect. Everybody has few inherent flaws and few great strengths. Focus on your strengths. Don’t let your weaknesses define you. Don’t dwell on your past failures. They are done and you cannot do anything about it. It is time you got pragmatic. Identify your strong points and take them seriously. Your forte is the one which will take you to great heights. Focus on your mighty abilities and fine tune them, so that they make you shine like the Alpha Centauri!

3. Work towards your goal, focus!

Once you have found out your strength(s), the next thing you need to work on is your ambition. Everyone has a certain purpose in life, which gives the ultimate meaning to life. Instead of focusing on frivolous shortcomings, you have to focus on your aim. Then you are sure to achieve it. Find out your aptitude and interests. Work hard towards achieving them. All your fear and anxiety will vanish in no time. This is a great remedy to any mind related ailment like the inferiority complex. You should develop a vision and work towards it. Success lies in the ability to step from one failure to another, without the loss of enthusiasm.

2.  Identify the root cause and work on it

There may be several reasons why you start feeling inferior. It may be because of your physical appearance or failure to achieve anything you wanted to. Physical appearance does not decide what you achieve in your life. It is not something you should feel very bad about. Everyone has some nice feature in them. Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder. It is subjective and can be debated about. Do not let it to douse the spirit in you. If you have failed previously, it only means that you have tried and luck didn’t favour you! Never stop trying! Identify what exactly has caused inferiority complex and work on it, to eliminate it.

1.Love yourself and enjoy  yourself!

I will tell you two magical words: “Love Yourself!” Your parents, friends and dear ones love you. But first, you must learn to accept yourself for who you are, enjoy yourself and love yourself! It will ward off all the unnecessary stress. I would like to quote Dr.Seuss:  “Be who you are, because the people who mind don’t matter and the people who matter don’t mind!” Be original!You are unique and special! Be happy always!!!

Post #36: Re-examining Our Resolutions

NB: This article has been copied from a website.

Resolution is not a common term you often hear this time of year. Many times, our New Year’s Resolutions are forgotten by February. But, perhaps now that we are almost half way through the year, it would be a good time to reexamine your New Year’s resolutions to see if they’ve stuck or if they’ve fallen by the wayside.

When you make a resolution, by definition you are resolving something, or coming to a firm determination. But, in terms of the New Year, these statements are often made ambiguously with a lack of true commitment.

In reality, most of these so-called resolutions really aren’t resolving anything. Instead, they make us feel guilty when we don’t measure up to our immeasurable expectations.

Take some time to examine the goals that you set for yourself at the beginning of the year. What measurable achievements have you made towards accomplishing your desires?

If you find that you haven’t made much progress, try using these tips to make your resolutions more measurable and achievable in the future.

Focus on What Can Be Gained Rather than What Can Be Lost

The most common resolutions are to lose weight, spend less, quit smoking, reduce stress, and consume fewer alcoholic drinks.

Notice a pattern here? All of these resolutions emphasize the negative. The focus is on what one must give up to improve his life.

Simply reframing your goal statements into affirmations can improve your psychological well-being and increase your chance of achieving your goals and creating positive change in your life.

For example, most of the aforementioned resolutions can be reframed into a statement like “I am going to have a healthier lifestyle this year”.

Create an Action Plan with Measurable Steps

Though positively oriented, the statement “I am going to have a healthier lifestyle this year” is still very vague. What does the statement mean to you?

Are you going to eat an additional serving of vegetables each day? Are you going to walk to work in the mornings? Are you going to take a multivitamin? What are you going to do to make this happen?

If you keep your goal statements vague, you will have a hard time measuring your success. It is very important to be specific. Determine exactly how you are going to improve your health this year, write down your intentions, and start taking action immediately.

Limit Your Focus to One Resolution

So often, people begin the New Year with a list of 10 resolutions. While it is admirable and ambitious to want to make so much positive change in one’s life, it can actually be limiting.

If we try to make too many changes at once, we may find ourselves feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. A true expert knows that if you really want to master something, you must give it your all.

It is okay if you have a list of ten resolutions, but focus on only one a time. Perhaps you can create a list in order of importance and make your way down the list, checking off each accomplishment as you go.

Remember, we’re only half way through the year. There is still plenty of time to work on you resolutions. So don’t beat yourself up for what you haven’t already done. Instead, focus on what you can do now. Re-evaluate those goal statements, limit your focus, and start taking action today!