Next day, I contacted Varun Sir
and asked if there is any Simran in his group?
“Yaar, Simran naam ki koi ladki toh nahi hai mere group me!”
(Bro,there is no girl named Simran!) Varun sir told me.
“Are you sure? I asked him.
“Yes, 100%”, Varun sir assured me
about this.
Now, when she came online on g-mail,
I, being curious, asked her “Is this your real name?” She consolidated me “yes
it is my real name. Do you have any doubt? Why are you asking my real name
suddenly?” I tried to calm myself down
and told her I just asked you, as people usually do not reveal their real identity
over the internet, so do not worry about it. There is no such compulsion and by
the way “Naam me kya rakha hai?”(What’s there in the name?)
I didn’t let her know that I had contacted Varun Sir and I immediately disemboweled
the chance of getting caught.
“So, how are you? How was your day at Oracle?”
I asked her.
Simran ma’am said “yeah, it was
quite hectic. I just came 20 minutes before coming online.”
So, how are you? How was your day? How
is weather there? What did you do whole day? What did you have in your dinner?
What are you doing now? She bombarded the questions on me.
I was lying on my bed; I propped up my
bolster type pillow, took it on my lap and put both the hands on the keyboard
to smash the keys as I had to precipitate the rain of answers.
Wait,wait…haha it’s a string of
questions. Can I concatenate these questions and answer in a single word? I
asked and answered ‘good’ for all the questions. (I took all the good’s from
each answers -I’m good, my day was good, weather is good, I did good things,I
had good dinner, I’m doing good now and answered good.)
She said haha nooo! Don’t try to be a
computer engineer in front of me and answer all the questions separately.
I typed separate answers for all the
questions. (You know, Money and Women can make anything happen…everything
probably!)
It was already 10PM, she said see
these links. Those were some hyperlinks of shopping website. I clicked and I saw there
were some nice tops on Myntra.com and Shopperstop.com. She wanted me to choose
the best two tops out of the 100 tops as she had to use it for the office use.
I thought in my mind, how would I select, I don’t even know how she looks, which
color suits her. But still I dared, chose and sent the link back. Fortunately,
she herself had also chosen those tops.
Good choice, junior! I’m impressed.
She said. :D &
I smiled :).
Now it was 11PM. So, when are you
going to sleep? I asked.
“Ummmm, yes I’m going in 5 minutes.
I’m so tired; it seems I will fall asleep right now. Office work…so
hectic.” She said and after 5 minutes we
bade adieu for tonight.
We, usually, used to come online
on g-mail around 10:30 PM and used to chat for almost half an hour or an hour
on weekends.
It was 10:30 PM; it was time to come
online on g-mail.
After formal chats, “Do you have
any gf (girlfriend)? If yes, why? If not, why not? Explain.” She asked me with
some blushing smiley.
This question contains how much
mark? ROFL! (Rolling on the floor laughing)! I asked.
She replied- Hahahaha! It’s of 20
marks only.
I started explaining and said,
ma’am, I don’t have any gf. Had there been a gf,I would have not gone to the
chat websites. No? And, why don’t I have a gf- answer is- I didn’t find a right
girl yet and no girl understood me as a right boy. So, I’m single.
Do you have any bf? Before she could
award marks for my answer, I also asked her after getting some twinges in my
heart.
She replied me in an unprecedented
but humorous manner- Yeah, I have. How many GB (Gigabyte) you want? Come with a
pen drive, I will give you.
:O, I was like ohh!!! No no no! I
didn’t mean that. I meant boyfriend (bf) not blue-film…LOL (laugh out loudly)!
I don’t really have a bf, but to be
honest, I like one guy in the chat-room. But, I don’t think so that he is
interested in me. :)
She replied me with a sad smiley.
“I’ve to go…tomorrow office again.
Byeeee, see you, good night, sweet dreams.”
She wrote and after giving an enigmatic smile she disappeared with the
blink of an eye.
But
tomorrow didn’t come so early. I waited for her to come online. But she didn’t.
She disappeared mystically. My mind was
squabbling with my heart. Disparagement of heart was quite clear to mind and
brainstorm was also clear to my heart. I started lolling between the lolls.
Meanwhile, the time had come to
leave the college and go for internship. I had to leave the place where I spent
almost three years. Simran ma’am was also not coming online. These emotional
things created an emotional fuss. But, I had to leave. After some days, I
shifted to new place…New Delhi. I was missing her. I wanted to see her reply
like a deer wanted some drops of water in the desert, but it was proving to me
as a mirage.
One day…two days…five days… She didn’t come
online. I sent her an email. But after some moment I got message from g-mail
that the message I sent, couldn’t deliver and failed permanently. My heart-bits
were gradually increasing in volume and growing louder like crescendo of some
musical climax.
My internship was started and I was
trying hard to get indulged in my work. But the slugfest between my mind and
heart was not letting me to do anything. I tried hard to evade from this hostility.
These chemical imbalances taught me to extrapolate the relationships (any kind
of) and the attachments.
Friends were questioning my strange
behavior. But, I was masquerading as if nothing happened and I was absolutely
normal. I pretended not to reveal and tried giving them a tacit consent.
Two and half months passed, in the
evening, I got an email from her new email id. She stated that something wrong
happened with me, so I had to delete that email id…I’m so sorry, I couldn’t
inform you in the paucity of time.
When I saw her message, I forgot
everything, it was like two and half months had passed in 24 hours only. I
greeted her gleefully, “Hii, how are you? Where were you? When you will be leaving the chat?(She always used to say that even before starting the chat sometimes...I will leave in five minutes ) I missed you.” :( I expressed my
displeasure over this issue.
She said “hahaha when I will be leaving...not in five minutes,I’m so sorry. Something
bad happened with me. I was not able to reply you. I missed you too, junior.
Say how are you doing? How is your internship going on?”
I’m doing well. Internship is
running smoothly. What bad had happened to you? How are you? Where were we last
time? What we were chatting about? I asked eviscerating my displeasure.
“Hmmm, I’m also fine. We were at
bf-gf chat. hahaha” She skipped my question about what bad had happened to her.
I also tended to skip that
question thinking I would ask about it later. I was feeling really good as she
had come back. You know what you suddenly disappeared, I became so sad. I
acknowledged her. “Hey, I
want to show you something kind of poem I have written in Hindi and I have done
some sketches too. May I show you?” I tried to take her permission.
“Of course you can, I would love to
read those poems.” She uttered in the form of chat. I sent her in email. “Wow,
so you write too?”
Hmm yeah I’m trying writing though
I’m an amateur in this field. I hope you liked those poems.
“This is awesome…you would make
me fall in love with you.” She, being over joyous, wrote down in that with some
blush kind of smiley.
The moment I saw the word ‘love’, I
got interestingly overwhelmed as I was love-deprived guy. I replied her…okay!
I’m ready to accept it.
Hahaha, hey, you know what, 2-3 days
ago my project supervisor proposed me and offered me for lunch. J
I, being sad and curious, asked- so, what did
you say? Did you go for the lunch?
No, I didn’t reply anything and I didn’t go
for the lunch. She replied. Well, it was so soothing to hear.
Some other day, junior, I’m not
feeling well. It’s very hectic work schedule here. I’m frustrated. I work for
11 hours a day then also I’m not able to complete my work. I get so tired. I
want someone to care, to love. Nobody is there with me… She, bestowing herself
with some rays of hope, tried to share with me.
I made undue delay in asking if she
likes me.
She, releasing her stress, said yeah,
I like you junior. You’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met though you’re mad
too. I love you as a friend. You deserve to be my best friend. I love to spend
time with you. But you know…something happened with me when I had disappeared
for two and half months…aah leave!
But you know…something happened what?
I expressed myself being worried. She skipped saying “how was your day?”
Yeah it was good, but you didn’t
answer my question? Junior leave na please…It’s a very long story. I cannot
tell you. If I would tell, you would start hating me and you would break
friendship with me. I don’t want to lose you…please don’t ask naa. She said.
Well, I’m just asking, if I could
help you in any manner. I assured her. Pranaw, you won’t understand, I cannot
tell you…Please understand me…she said repeatedly.
Okay, if you’re happy not telling it,
not sharing with me…it’s fine. I do not have any problem. I evinced my anger to
her.
From this stance, she started
developing soft corner for me and ultimately one day revealed that she loved
me. I asked her why she not told me earlier, if you had feeling, you could have
told me.
Do you know that I belong to Bihar? I
asked her. She said no, I did not know that but why would I have any problem
about your state? She said.
Hmmm, I just asked because you
belong to Maharashtra…Jai Maharashtra :D . She got bit amused
and replied hahaha. You’re still the same what you were used to be in the chat
room 2 years ago…pagal ladka (crazy boy)!
Naa mai hi badla hu,naa tu hi badli
hai, badli hai buss nazrein (Neither I nor you have changed…just our eye-views
have changed)…I just typed the lyrics of some song relating to the current
situation.
So, I also had started developing a
soft corner for her. But I always had respected her as a senior.
Our
net connection was so bad…I didn’t mention earlier in the story but it was bad.
We usually got disconnected, and this had created some confusion. Sometimes I
thought, she is so busy that she is not replying me. Sometimes she thought, I’m
not loyal to her and being ignorant not replying her. For a healthy Internet
relationship, do not forget to get good internet connection. :D
Time was passing; we were
coming closer to each other day by day. She had seen my photo, I used to send
her and ask if I’m looking good…She had always replied me … “not so good, gain
some weight” But when I sent a picture this time, actually after a long time, she
was surprised to see because I had
gained 14 kg of weight after the last seen by her.
The seed of love was already sowed
on the distant bare grounds existed between us. Those grounds were shrinking day
by day and sprouts had started coming out of the seed.
We shall exchange our number now…it
has been so long chatting on the g-mail. I said.
She, skipping my demand, I have to
go now…tomorrow I have office. Sorry! See you. Bbye! :)
After some days, I have bought new
headphone…We will have audio chat on g-mail tonight…okay? But, before that let
me have my dinner. She tried to surprise me. I also got excited as I was about to
listen to her voice.
She came after having the dinner and we
connected through respective headphones. Hiiiiii,Howaaa you?? She said in her
sweet and high pitch voice but frequency was low. I listened to her voice. I
was like…oooo am I really talking to her? But I had to believe.
In between, net problem…chat
disconnected! I connected again and said sorry it was disconnected.
Throw your net in the dustbin...It’s
of no use…huhh!! She said.
I’m so sorry…I told you write down my number…at
least we can share SMSes. I tried to pursue her.
But she again skipped my demand
and said sorry; I can’t give you my number at least for now, give me your
number…I will call you on your birthday. Hey, today is chocolate day. I got 12
chocolates in office. How many chocolates did you get?
I was so stupid that I didn’t remember,
valentine week is going on. Well, I got one éclairs, the shopkeeper gave me. I
had gone to buy a 500g packet of milk; it was of 19/- rupees. I gave him 20
rupees note and instead of returning one rupee coin he gave me a chocolate.
Else I didn’t get any chocolate from anyone.
Whahahaha…chocolate from shopkeeper..sooo
why didn’t you wish him Happy chocolate day?? She laughed saying this.
No, I did not know that today was chocolate
day. Okay =+= this chocolate from my side. I replied her.
Hahaha, I don’t want mathematical
expression, I want chocolate stupid. She dominated me.
Some other day,
I had mentioned earlier that I had contacted
Varun sir. I thought I should not tell a lie and reveal the truth. I had always
tried to be as truer as possible. I had kept on searching about Simran ma’am on
facebook,twitter. I tried to look into the friend-list of Varun sir, and I
almost had searched all Mumbai Oracle employees friend-list (of course whose
friend-list was public). But I couldn’t find anything about Simran nor did I
know the last name of Simran ma’am.
Once I saw varun sir had posted a group picture
of his team at Oracle. I downloaded that photo and sent it to Simran ma’am
asking which one is you in this photo?
From where did you get this photo? She
asked me.
I got it from Varun sir’s facebook
album. I let her know the truth.
Sorry junior, I’m not in this pic. She
said. But I knew that she was in that pic.
One
night while chatting, we went beyond our limit while chatting. It was that
beyond that she started regretting. She started crying and said, Pranaw I’m so
sorry, I shouldn’t have done like that. I don’t want all these; I want to go
far away from you. I’m not well. I want to live alone….
I was shocked from her sudden sharp feeling. I
came to know it was not as fanciful as I understood. There was something. I
asked what happened to you suddenly, if you would let me know then only I would
be able to help you.
Pranaw,
I feel bad each time I talk to you because I’m lying to you. My name is not
Simran. Yes I work in oracle but if I would tell you everything true you would
contact Varun (my senior who had been working with her in oracle). Yes, I had
fallen for you. But I found myself guilty as you are very true at your heart
and I’m not. Whenever I chat with you, I don’t know what happens with me...I
cannot control myself and later I feel so bad about my lies…I just want to go…far
away. I do not want to tell whatever
happened to me. She was continuously crying and trying to pursue me. And after
some time she disappeared.
Ohhh…that was heart-breaking
revelations for me. I could not understand what to do.
Later on, I tried to consolidate my
heart. She didn’t come online for almost a week. After this exile, she came; I requested
her to tell her real name and requested her to tell what bad had happened to
you.
But she never revealed. Even though,
I told her okay, do not tell your real name, but we can chat…what’s the problem
in that?
She, feeling guilty, said, sorry I don’t
have that much courage to chat with you. You are very sweet guy, very true at
heart. I do not deserve even your friendship, how can I deserve your love? I
just want to go far away from you. I do not want to disturb you. She went
invisible.
I asked her, if she can go far away
from me?
She said it’s difficult. You’re
really honest, true and now you have gained some weight, you have started
looking handsome. You will get many girls. I’m just feeling like I should go
now and she started crying.
I challenged her that she can’t go like
this…I asked her to reveal the truth and go. But she was firm on her side. I
also got saddened and didn’t open my g-mail for 10 days. When I opened my g-mail,
I found her offline chat message, saying “hum hain rahi pyaar ke, phir milenge chalte
chalte….bye bbye see you…all the best for your future! :)”
“hum hain rahi pyaar ke, phir milenge chalte
chalte” lyrics of the song we frequently used while saying bye…almost every day.
When I tried to reply…till then she had
deleted her email id and my message got undelivered…server notified me that my
message delivery failed permanently.
I did not know that, that was the last
day we had interacted. She never came back…The seeds we had sown, got damaged in
the flood of tears, in the storm of ubiquitous emotions. Those sprouts and
half-matured plants started decomposing with the virtue of bacteria in the form
of lies and falsities.
I still want to know, what bad had
happened to her.
Now
it has been over two years…
